Happiness is what makes the world go 'round.
Wednesday, Jul. 01, 2009 8:34 PM

Doing the laundry because I have to pack tomorrow.

Yes, yes. It is in fact time for my annual pilgrimage to the Northern Land(Northern California). The oh-so small town that I consider my second home. We celebrate the 4th of July each year up there. My dad went to high school there and we stay with his best friend from high school. It's INSANE that they still talk to each other and what not. Hah. I'm completely stoked to be going up there. Not too stoked about the fact my dad wants to go up there in his Shelby GT Mustang. I love the car, but not for 9+ hours.

I haven't really been sleeping much lately which is no news to anyone.

Jake and I have continued our extremely deep conversations. I'm mad because I'm deleting them after I get them in fear of someone reading them. Since I delete them, I tend to forget them, and it's depressing. But, if someone where to find them and read them, I'd be grounded for life and Jake would be dead due to my dad killing him. Obviously, the messages between us are meant for Jake and mine's eyes only. Nobody listens to me. Erica is constantly going through my phone and now that I actually have something to get my in trouble, I'm guarding it like a hawk. Still deleting all the messages.

Jake and I are both craving having sex with each other. That's an obvious sign to me that it's probably more lust than love, but I'm just gonna see where it goes. And to be completely honest, I've wanted him to be the one to take my virginity since about 8th grade. I've always fantasized about it, and about 6 months ago, I finally convinced myself that it wasn't going to happen. Well, look at me now self! It's gonna happen! It's extremely weird because I've always fantasized about dating him and what it would be like, and now that I'm actually dating him, I have to keep reminding myself that it's real. I know that sounds lame, but it's true! I'm not used to having something that I want actually be real.

That is how lame I am. I had to be constantly fantasizing and dreaming in order to be happy. I'm finally to the point where I've stopped fantasizing and I'm happy!

It makes me even more happy to know that I'm finally happy!