Crying is not my favorite thing to do.
Thursday, Jul. 02, 2009 8:27 PM

So remember how everything was going great with Jake and everything was supposed to have changed? It didn't. Everything is still the same. We were supposed to go to dinner tonight since Im leaving tomorrow. Well, guess who flaked out again? Not even flaked out. Completely ignored it. He didnt text me at all. Even after I texted him asking what time he wanted to go to dinner.

I'm really pissed. I even started crying. I haven't seen him for three fucking weeks! Im seriously so mad! I'm fucking done!

I know Im only leaving for the weekend, but still. The fact that last night he told me, "we have to go to dinner because I miss you!". Sure you're fucking missing me. You're missing me so much that you completely blew me off for dinner.

I've been thinking about it, and we've had our deepest coversations over text messages! I've told him my deepest darkest secret over fucking text message! We haven't had one deep conversation in person!

Did I tell you about us sexting? Oh yeah, we've had sex via text fucking message! He tells me everything he wants to do to me over text message! I'm completely done with this!

I decided that I'm not going to havesex with him. Not yet. He doesnt love me. We aren't having sex because of us being in love, its all lust! I don't want it to be that way.

I haven't changed that much from the way I am since 8th grade, so I don't know why he would start liking me. Maybe its because he wanted a girlfriend. The same reason he dated Allison. Or maybe its because he knew I would have sex with him because I have completely adored him for years!

I just don't know what to do anymore. I think my heart is breaking again. Just when he was finally fixing it after the last time he broke it.