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Monday, Jul. 13, 2009 8:20 PM

Why can't I ever just be happy? Why can't everything in my life be good for longer than a day? Is that asking too much?

Needless to say, I haven't talked to him since the night he called me. I saw him at Albertson's yesterday and I think he saw me, but I didn't do anything. I didn't say "Hey", I didn't go over to him and ask what was up. So now he is in Vegas, coming back the day I'm leaving.

Hasn't answered my text.

Also, he told me he didn't have to work Sunday because he was leaving for Vegas. Why was he working? Maybe they changed his shift. I want to see him. I want to be able to talk to him and ask him what the fuck is going on. I'm getting really mad. I'm crying over him again. After I promised myself 6 months ago that I wouldn't.

I need him right now. My deep dark secret that he knows is coming again and I'm dealing with it. I need him to tell me it's all going to be okay, because he's the only one that can tell me that and I'll believe. I need him to hold me, wrapping his arms around me.

I want him to call me. Or text me. Preferably call. I'd much rather him show up at my door step and sweep me off my feet.

It's our 4 month anniversary. I had an impulse to text him at midnight last night saying, "Happy four month Jack ass." But I didn't.

Did you hear about that girl who was missing for seven years? Well they found her, alive thankfully. At least someone's life is good.