Piece of shit town.
Sunday, Jul. 26, 2009 9:03 PM

I don't really know what to do anymore. Obviously we haven't talked since the night we got back together and sexted.

I went to where he works today with Brittany and he was there, but I didn't say Hi or acknowledge he was there. Maybe I should've? I always do that. I always pretend that I don't see him and when I get home, I wish that I would've acted like I saw him. I'm pretty ridiculous that way.

I've been thinking a lot lately, and even after everything he's put me through, I still want to be with him. Entirely. Even though he doesn't deserve it and I can do better. He is still the one I want. The one I think about before I fall asleep, the one I first think about when I wake up.

Why can't life be easier. I was finally getting to the point where I didn't think about him constantly, and he goes and tells me that he likes me and we start dating. Then of course, he has to go tell me that he wants to have sex with me, which I've wanted since 8th grade. God dammit. I mean really? Why the fuck does he decide to do this to me. He just keeps playing with me and I keep taking it. I should know better. I shouldn't continue to take his shit, but I do.

I really wish that I didn't feel the way I feel about him because then it would be so much easier and I could just say no.

I hate being a girl. It's so much harder than what people say.

Too switch topics before I get to pissed-I started singing again. the dream isn't back, but I feel like I've really needed it because when I belt out those notes, it's like a stress relief for me.

My mom has been pissing me off, constantly. It's like a mixture of her being an alcoholic and her hitting menopause, added to the fact that she is cheating on my dad with I guy I absolutely fucking hate. I honestly, cannot wait for the day I leave this piece of shit home.

It's sad because it is a decent home. I've got a generally decent life. Just subtract the fact that my parents aren't in love anymore, my mom is an alcoholic bitch, and my younger sister beats the shit out of me (to the point where I've got scars and bruises currently on my body...but of course I can't fight back because she is my "younger sister and you could harm her" BULL FUCKING SHIT!).

I've got about three more weeks before school starts and I'm officially a senior. I'm ready for it. I am.

I was suppose to sign up to be concurrently enrolled at the community college down the street, but they haven't gotten a hold of my mom after countless calls and emails. The deadline is the 30th and I really, really want to get in because I need to do something else so I won't be home often. Plus, it'll start with my general ed that I need done.

Done venting.