Dear Jake: (#2)
Saturday, Sept. 19, 2009 8:08 PM

I'm so tired of all the bullshit you've been putting me through. Especially in the last 7 months. I was just finally getting over you after adoring you for a good 4 years and then you go and tell me that you like me and I go back to the way I was before. It isn't fair to me. It seemed like I was taking a backseat to everything else in your life and you only wanted me when it was convenient for you. I get so pissed off at you and at times I want to chop your dick off, but I'm still completely wrapped around your finer. I'd do anything for you even though you wouldn't lift a finger for me.
I never wanted it this way, but every time I'm with you I am so happy. I get jealous when I see you with other girls and I'm not happy when I'm with out you.It feels to me that our relationship isn't even a relationship.
During all of this, I wanted to know why you changed your mind about me. Why after 4 years of not like me, you suddenly started liking me. Was it because you changed high schools and wouldn't have to act like we were dating in front of other people? Was it because you just wanted to have a girlfriend and you knew that I couldn't possible say no to you? I just want to know why because to me, it seems like you didn't even like me at all. I never felt that you honestly and sincerely liked me except for when you would hug me and kiss me.
But even then, you barely would take the time to come see me or hang out with me. We hardly would see each other. You would always make plans with me and then come up with an excuse to flake on me.
Every time I would get mad at you for flaking on me, you would always turn it against me. Saying how I didn't understand because I didn't have a job. How you were so busy with everything going on in your life. And you would make me feel horrible. I'd always end up apologizing when you should've been the one apologizing.
The beginning of our relationship was great when you brought me flowers on our one and two month anniversaries. And when you came to meet almost my entire extended family, I was just so stoked. But then is seemed like you just found better things to do and our relationship became completely over text message. It hurt me so bad because I never got to see you often.
We had our deepest conversations over text messages. I told you my deepest, darkest secret that I've never told anybody over text message. How is that normal?
I just can't take it anymore because I know that the next time you talk to me, all of this will mean absolutely nothing. I'll just forget everything you did to me and everything that happened, and I will be completely wrapped around your finger again. I hate you for that, but I still totally and completely love you with all of my heart.