In America.
Thursday, Oct. 08, 2009 7:52 PM

I really wish I had some clue of what I want with my life.

I need to know. I mean, I'm graduating in a semester and a half. I'm starting my life. Jesus, it all happened fast. No matter how much of a cliche that is.

We are doing this project in my economy class about how much it's going to cost to move out. It's killing me. It's scaring me. I found my dream apartment in Tennessee and looking at the pictures, all I could think of was, 'Oh my God. I'm going to be there all alone with my parents 2,000+ miles away." Even though I've dreamed about getting away from here, I'm scared to death because if one thing goes wrong, I'll have no one to go to. No one to come and help and I'll really have to deal with everything by myself.

Is that really what I want? Of course it is, but I just wish there was a trial period in between you know? I'd love having my independence and being able to leave when I want to and what not, but with all that comes bills I have to pay, food I have to buy, a job I have to work, and I just don't think I can do it.

I hate doubting myself. Especially now. I mean, for crying out loud, I have been set on going to Tennessee as soon as I possibly can. Which now, means after I get my Associates degree here at the community college. Which is fine with me. Although I really don't want to live at my house for an extra two years. Maybe I'll just get it done really early.

But I don't even have a job over in Tennessee. I don't have a clue of what I'm going to do.
Dammit.

Meanwhile, soccer practice was alright. I ran a lot more than I usually do, but still less than the whole team.
Fuck me.