My really fabulous and descriptive essay on meeting Fran Drescher with a joke.
Thursday, Feb. 03, 2011 10:34 PM

Once upon a time there was a noun and a verb that dated, but broke up because the noun was too possessive.

And here's the essay I had to write for me English class.
Viola.
:)

Some Genius Title Eventually
When I arrived in Los Angeles that November morning, I was more excited than a child on Christmas morning. I was attending a taping of my hero�s test-run talk show which meant I was going to see her in person. After years of watching reruns of �The Nanny� and the various movies that she appeared in through the television, I was going to be in the same room as Fran Drescher. It was a great morning.
After battling the usual morning traffic in Los Angeles, I was able to find a parking spot close to the studio. As I clutched my reserved ticket for the show, my friend and I began walking until we saw a huge line of nicely dressed people. My heart sank.
�Excuse me, but are you all here for the Fran Drescher Talk Show?� I asked the woman in front of us, praying that there was another show taping in the same studio.
�Yes it is. Hopefully we get in. I hear the studio is small.�
My heart began to race. This was my one chance to see my hero, and if these people were standing in my way, I was prepared to offer a monetary bonus to any person up front who�d let me cut. I was too far back to see what was going on at the front, but the line began moving, so I figured they were letting people in. After half an hour of slowly moving closer to my happiness, the line stopped moving. A short woman with an ear piece and a clip board came out to address us, �We have filled the audience. If you have reserved tickets for this 10:30 taping, come see me and I�ll get you another date, or you can stay for our 4:00 taping.�
My eyes began to tear up. I couldn�t believe that I wasn�t going to see Fran Drescher. I looked down at my ticket and realized something. I had reserved two tickets for the 4:00 taping. All these people were for the earlier taping and I was early. I ran over to the girl with the ear piece and pushed my way through the crowd of people complaining about not getting in.
�I have a ticket reserved for 4:00, does that mean I could still get in!?� I practically screamed at the poor woman.
�You will probably still get in, you can go get some lunch or something and come back around 3:00.� She replied.
I ran back to my friend as happy as I could be. My chance to see my hero was still there! My friend and I decided to not risk leaving and coming back to another long line. Everyone that didn�t get in left the studio so my friend and I just sat ourselves in front of the studio and waited for hours. We were dedicated. Around 2:30, people started showing up. They all lined up behind us. I was first in line and there was nothing stopping me from getting into that studio. Until that woman with the ear piece came out again.
�If you were here earlier this morning with the reserved tickets, you�ll get in first. Please stand over here if you have those tickets.� She said as my heart once again sank.
The number of people that walked over to her made me believe that once again, I was not going to see Fran Drescher. But not all hope was lost. I was still first in line after all those other people. A few of the people behind me got discouraged and left, but I would never give up.
So there we were in our separate groups. The other group was called the �VIP� group, but to me, they were �The-people-who-are-standing-in-my-way� group. My eyes shot daggers of hatred at them while we sat for the next hour and a half waiting. I didn�t belong in my group. The girl behind me claimed to be �Fran�s biggest fan� but she was nothing of the sort. She had all the wrong facts that I ever so politely corrected, because I happen to be �Fran�s biggest fan�. Little did I know, that when it came time to be �Fran�s biggest fan�, it would be my time to shine, and boy, did I outshine that girl.
I was deep in thought trying to figure out what I was going to say if they weren�t going to let me into the studio when a man came out the door, �Alright, who are the biggest Fran fans?!�
�ME! ME! OH MY GOD! I LOVE FRAN! I�M HER BIGGEST FAN!� I screamed as loud as I could. Luckily for me, being shy was never an option.
The man looked at me, �What makes you say that you�re her biggest fan?�
�Absolutely everything she does is an inspiration to me. I�ve seen every episode of The Nanny to the point that I know them by heart. I think everything she does with Cancer Schmancer is absolutely amazing and inspiring! She�s my hero.� I kept rambling on so fast I�m pretty sure he could barely understand me.
He wrote down my name and went back inside the studio. I began to cry. I didn�t know why they wrote down my name. Was I going to meet Fran Drescher? Was something amazing going to happen? I had no idea. The agony of not knowing was terrible, but I was finally able to stop crying. The man came back, and even though he was only gone for five minutes, to me, he was gone for five hours. He had me sign release forms because I was going to be able to ask Fran a question. What question was I going to ask? I had to think. It had to be something good, something I wanted to know, but my mind drew a blank. Finally, I came up with, �What would be the one piece of relationship advice you would give every woman?� It wasn�t my best, but it would do. The man wrote down the question on the card. The dreaded woman with the earpiece once again walked out of the door and up to the man standing in front of me, �Is this her?�
I felt really official. �Yeah, what are we supposed to do?� he asked.
�Move her to the front to make sure she gets in.� my new best friend replied as I began to cry again.
I was getting in and I was going to ask Fran Drescher a question. Life couldn�t get any better. Finally, they began letting us in. I was escorted in, completely overwhelmed. The producers where fussing over where I was going to sit. I wanted to tell them that I could sit on that nice little couch in the middle of the set, but I didn�t think they�d find it as funny as I did. They settled on the middle seat in the front row. This was my lucky day.
Everyone was finally settled and Joe came out to greet us all. He was in charge of getting the crowd ready for the show, but I was already ready.
�The biggest fans are always the loudest.� He said, which elicited a scream from me, �and you would be?�
�Danielle, her biggest fan!� I replied enthusiastically. I didn�t need to prove my status again, but it was something I was proud of.
�Well come on down!� he said pulling me from the audience onto the stage.
I stepped down and stood next to him and explained once again why I�m her biggest fan with the same zealousness as before. It was only when Joe said, �Well you know Danielle, Fran is actually back stage, and she can hear everything you�re saying right now,� that I completely lost it. I screamed and began cried out, �I love you Fran!�
The producers informed us that they were ready to begin. Joe handed me a stuffed animal and said it belonged to Fran and that she was handing them out to special audience members. I thanked him, took my seat, and cradled my new most treasured possession. The producers told us to start clapping. It was less than a minute before I was going to see Fran Drescher. Joe was having the audience focus on him, trying to get us all to stand up at the same time, but all I was concentrated on was the door that Fran was going to come out of. I stared at the door, screaming, staring, screaming, waiting.
Finally, I see Fran come out in a gorgeous purple dress. I shot up out of my seat, screaming and jumping up and down like a total lunatic. I never stopped screaming when the tears came to my eyes. She made her way to the center of the stage, ready to address us with her monologue. We were all still screaming and clapping. My vision was blurred through my teary eyes. As I reached up to wipe my eyes, she looked over at me.
�Terry! Terry! This girl here is hysterical, crying!� she said pointing at me.
I began freaking out; she�s seen me! The camera guy moved in front of me to get footage of me crying.
�Are you okay sweetie?� I nodded, smiling. �Hang in there, it�s gonna be a good show, okay?� She called me �sweetie�!
I�m not sure how I was able to notice the producer kneeling in front of me saying, �Go give her a hug! Go give her a hug!� but I did. I stepped down, screamed, �Oh my God!� and ran up on to the stage. She opened her arms up for me in what was the greatest hug of my life. I could barely think, but I knew I had to tell her how much she meant to me.
�I love you so much! I�m naming my daughter after you! I love you so much! I�m naming my daughter after you!� I repeated just to make sure she heard because the crowd was screaming loudly. They were all well aware of how much of a fan I was.
We pulled out of the hug, �Now, wait a minute,� the crowd quieted down, �you said you�re going to name your daughter after me, are you pregnant?�
�No.�
She laughed. I made her laugh. How many times had this woman made me laugh, and now I�ve made her laugh.
�No, okay! Well, do you have a man?�
�No.�
She laughed again. I was on a roll, even if she was laughing at my love life, or lack thereof.
�No, okay! So what you�re saying is, when you get all those things in place, you�re going to have a little Frannie!�
�Yes I am!�
�Oh how sweet you are! Thank you so much and enjoy the show!� I walked off the stage and back to my seat and enjoy the show I did.
A surprise special guest happened to be Charles Shaughnessy who played Mr. Sheffield on The Nanny, who I am also a big fan of. We also each got season one of The Nanny on DVD. The entire show was great as promised to me by Fran herself. I never did get to ask Fran my question, but the alternative was much better. Walking back to the car, I realized as I held my stuffed animal and replayed meeting Fran in my head, that this was the greatest night of my life.
A week later it played on TV and it�s now recorded on our DVR. My mother mentioned to me one time about how she wished that life was like a DVR, you could fast forward through the bad parts, and relive the great parts. I smiled as I reached for the remote, and told her, �I do get to relive the best night of my life,� and then did.