I'm back, or so I should hope.
Wednesday, Jul. 18, 2012 8:01 PM

I suppose I really should update seeing as the last one was in September. It's now come to the point that every form of social media platform that I am a part of is now being monitored by someone I really wish didn't monitor it-except this piece of gold.
Hence the reason why I am once again back to write. I've got no where else to bitch and moan about how shitty everything is without fear of retribution due to someone in my life reading it.
Yay for anonymity.
At this point, I'm so very lost that it is quite frightening actually. I feel as if I don't belong and that I'm not in control of anything any more. But isn't that how everyone else feels? Of course.
I just wish, at this point in time, to leave everyone that is currently residing in my life. I want to buy that ticket to London, tell every one to "sod off" and just leave.
Maybe then I'd actually have some degree of happiness. I've always blossomed off of solitude. And no one quite gets it.
I'm turning twenty next month and it's frightening. I keep asking myself, "why on earth do I still live with my parents?" "Why have you accomplished nothing?" "Why are you still pining after boys who don't bother giving you the time of day?"
The answer is twofold: One, I have no where else to go and no means to get there. Two, I dislike myself so much that I settle.
I'm settling in my career for which I'm attending an over-priced university. I'm settling for still living at home because finances are tight and my job does not pay enough. I settle for having a minimum wage job when I know I'm worth much, much more. I'm settling into non-existent relationships with celebrities and other people who have no idea who I am.
I have no idea who I am.
I seem to have lost myself at some point in the last few years, but I'm not sure that I want to get myself back. Why bother with the shitty, pathetic excuse for a person that I was now that I'm a collegiality educated member of society who will be voting for president for the first time in the coming election?
At this point, I'm rambling, and I really should stop procrastinating all my school work for this summer term. I hope to see more of you, seeing as you've been a part of this life for some three odd years.