I see dead flowers in the yard.
Monday, Aug. 06, 2012 6:23 PM

What am I even doing with my life? I've had little to no accomplishments ever since I became an adult. Literally the only thing I've ever achieved is President's Honor Roll and that's only because it isn't hard to do.
I've got two weeks off of school till Fall term starts and I'm scared to death of all this free time. I'm still working the same hours, so I've got Monday-Thursday free of nothing to do. Usually I don't have a free day and I prefer it that way no matter how much I bitch about wanting a day off.
Having a day off means me sitting in my room all day long in my pajamas changing off from reading fanfiction, real books, and being on the computer and listening to music. After awhile I eventually tire of those activities which leaves me to do nothing but lie in bed and think about how much my life sucks and how much my life is going to continue to suck because I'm going nowhere-and working my ass off to get there, I might add.
I wish there was something that wasn't habit forming that I could do for my anxiety but it's just not in the cards apparently. Everyone says to go to therapy but there's no way in hell a poor, collegiate human like myself could afford the $50 co-pay every session.
I'll just sit here and constantly think about how my life could end, how I could end others' lives, and wish to holy hell that I could get back to normal.
If I ever was normal. Which I doubt, because I'm weird as fuck. And I don't mean weird in the derogatory term that "cool" kids use to put other kids down. I simply mean that I've never been like the others.
I've always stood out at the fact that I am absolutely different.
Or maybe that's just the hipster in me finding its way out. Holy hell.