Me and my phone number.
Sunday, Jan. 27, 2013 7:22 PM

So when I marry Jeremy Clarkson, you're all invited.
I'm such a sick fuck. Let's be honest.
Needless to say I've watched hours upon hours of Top Gear.
I'm starting to get all depressed again which has been pretty hard to get through.
I honestly wish that I had things going for me right now.
I'm doing everything I'm supposed to but I'm not doing one thing I want to do, if that makes sense?
Of course it does.
I've just been working and going to school. At least now I'm at the point where I can start to put money into my savings again. It's been quite awhile. I haven't really put any aside since I worked at Del Taco which was over a year ago. Add to the fact that I spent $350 on a Shania Twain concert ticket and $550 on dental work, you can pretty much see the depletion of any money I had saved. I did however, not drop below $1,000. I never had that much saved to be fair to myself. It was just slightly over $2,000.
I almost thought about getting a new car because my piece of shit is going to be needing a new engine soon, but the thought of a car payment is terrifying with the fact that I still live at home.
I need to get into a better position in life for me to be happier I think.
Or at least one more step closer to becoming a teacher. I sincerely hope that once I do get hired as a teacher, (maybe that should just be "if") that things will get easier. First off, I'll be able to get the cheapest apartment ever and finally live on my own. That alone would probably help me in so many different ways seeing as a lot of my pain and trouble and depression comes from my home life.
Jake is still in my life, and I'm sure that's just adding to the negativity. I've gone back and forth on whether or not we are going to hook up again because some nights I'm just like, let's fuck and everything will be dandy, and other nights, I'm like, what the fuck am I even thinking having sex with you again.
I think if his promiscuity wasn't so---promiscuous, it wouldn't be a problem. Obviously, pre-sex, he was fine and dandy because I never came down with any STDs, but that's literally been almost three years ago. Who knows what has happened since then? I sure as hell don't and I know for a fact that he'd lie to my face every time I ask.
I still can't believe that he wanted to have another go at being in a relationship. Just even talking to him now I can tell it would have been a huge mistake. There's absolutely nothing similar between us. He keeps talking about how he'd love to take me out to parties and shit, which I know ultimately just means that he wants to get me drunk enough that fucking would be an option, but I'm just SUCH a homebody that I couldn't even imagine what I'd be doing.
I literally come up with every excuse I can as to why I won't go anywhere with him.
The closest thing I'll even think about going to is to see Greg Proops again and that's because he's really the only person I know aside from my other friend who knows who he is.
I don't know.
I think I was better off with him in Utah and far away from me and my phone number.