The Moment My World Shook
Tuesday, Jul. 15, 2014 8:53 PM

A few days ago I was home alone and updating my cell phone when the house phone rang. I went to go get it and I picked it up and I saw that it was the guy who molested me when I was younger. i didn't have time to answer it because as soon as I picked it up it stopped ringing, but I have never been so terrified in my life.

I started crying and ran through out the house locking all the doors and windows and closing the blinds. I was so scared because my cell phone was updating so I didn't have that and I just began sobbing because everything came rushing back and all of these insane scenarios came running through my head like thinking he was outside of the house, inside the house, or that I was hallucinating. It was all just way to much for me to handle.

I've been able to talk about it a bit more now that everything is over and that he finally left my life for what I thought was forever a few years ago. I had attended a group meeting of sexual assault survivors at my university, and I've more or less been able to realize that I do need help getting over this.

I thought I was getting over it and I'm so ashamed about the way I reacted. I'm not that little girl anymore. I'm a goddamn adult who should be able to handle this much better than I did.

I haven't seen him call back since then, and so I don't really know what the purpose was. It was just such a shock and it threw me against a wall I've hit so many times. I guess I'll keep this updated if there is anything further.

On another note, everything else has been going fine for me. I'm out of university for the summer and I've only got one year left which is absolutely terrifying. I'm not ready to start real, real life and I wish I could just carry on to grad school but it's too expensive.

I'm just so afraid about not finding a job and wasting all of my dad's money.